(copied from my journal)
What a weird, long, blah sort of day. Today I felt so disconnected from everyone. I think the only real conversations I had with anyone were with Leigh Ann during government, and Ben during 7th period. The rest of the day I just sort of floated through. Oh, and something weird's happening with my hair, guys. I'm starting to go all the way. I've added a few dreads (backcombed) and another braid in back. I'm not following any real pattern here, I'm just randomly doing things to random pieces of it. Every day I do something else, working my way from the front to the back. Some people approve, some people don't. And I don't care anymore. I just don't care about my hair, which is weird considering how much time I waste aggravating over it. I've never really been happy with my hair. It's curly, it's thick, it's fuzzy. it's unique, it's eclectic, it defies race, and it's a pain in my ass. Some days I adore it. other days I long to shave it off and not have to think about it. This dreadlock phase ... I mean ... I love dreads. I really do. I'm looking forward to having them, and I love the ones I already do have. But I can already see myself chopping them off in a few years. When I got my hair chopped off in the beginning of high school, it was a real turning point for me, a way of expelling the last bit of my long lonely post-cliff accident summer of recovery. (I rarely think or talk about that summer, but looking back on it... it really had a huge impact on me) It seems like making drastic changes in my hair is a way of reconnecting with myself, a way to prove that the heart of me won't change no matter what, and it's possible for me to adopt a completely new outside without changing my inside. I chopped it off when I started high school, and spent the last few years growing it back. Now it's long again, and I'm dreading it up as I approach graduation. And I'll probably cut them off later in college, yet another way to reclaim my identity. It's weird. I never really realized my relationship with my hair until I thought about it just now.