April 29th, 2010

Dreadies

Just for Fun!

A Small Number of Circumstantially Accurate Truths About Dreadlocks.

1) A certain few of your locks will eventually appear to have gained sentience.
1.a) As this Frankensteinish beast progresses, you may begin suspect a number of the following points to be dependent on truth #1. This is not the case, simply an instance of the ineffability of dreadlocks themselves.

2) Dreadlocks will nearly always find their way into whatever you happen to be drinking.
2.a) Forelocks tend to favor things such as coffee and tea.
2.b) Mysteriously, side and nape locks lean more towards beers and spirits.

3) Dreadlocks will seize any and every opportunity to assume the fuzz halo position.

4) Any and every question you may have about dreadlocks can be answered by reading the memories here at GUDU.
4.a) Except when it can’t.

5) As your dreadlocks grow, you will discover a here-to-fore unknown arch-nemesis status with velcro.

6) At least once you will get a lock stuck in something unfortunate such as a door, a drawer or ---on a particularly bad day-- a toaster.
6.a) Often this will happen when you’re in a hurry, making it appear that truth #1 is in play. This phenomena is not proved one way or another and may in fact remain ineffable forever.

7) You will begin to develop a dread-sense that alerts you to the presence of another dreadhead within 20 feet of your person.
7.a) The tingling of the dread-sense is different for everyone. It has been reported as everything from hearing the faint strains of “Buffalo Soldier” to feeling as though one’s head has been lowered beneath a river’s surface. Each experience is unique.

8) You will discover a strange affinity to tentacles.


Feel free to add your own Circumstantially Accurate Truths!