January 12th, 2011

i need to get this out.

hi, friends.

i debated on even posting this because it feels a little attention whore-y but i am a believer in the power of group energy making a difference so i'm going against my natural instinct to keep it all inside.

my dad was on a trip in california this week. today, he fell in the shower and broke his neck. as of what i know right now, his cervical fractures are unstable but he hasn't lost any neurological function yet - i.e., he isn't paralyzed. this can change since the fractures are unstable but he is having an MRI at a different hospital with better equipment. at any rate, he will at least have to be in a halo for a minimum of three months and need a lot of rehab.

i'm asking for your prayers, your good energy, your focus in meditation. whatever it is you do, i would very much appreciate if you could spare a moment of your time to send positive healing energy to my family. it's been a very tough year on my mom and dad (deaths, unemployment, relapses, medical problems, etc) and this is the latest in a string of totally fucked up events that have really shaken me to the core and tested my faith. i had a beautiful childhood with loving parents who supported me through thick and thin and it's devastating to come to the realization that my parents will not always be able to be there for me.

this life is so fragile, you know? one wrong step, one distracted moment, one drink too many, one blink of the eye can change everything forever. life is so beautiful and so difficult and so poignantly sad. through it all, i continue to be so amazed by the human capacity for love. no matter how flawed a person is and no matter how angry we may be with them at any point, we must always remind ourselves that we have the capacity to love and forgive. humans are a mess of flaws and bad deeds and selfish intentions stacked upon this innate capacity for love. some of us need more help than others to clear out the bad and release the good. we should always be looking to help. "when you can, you must." life is a blessed gift. we should be deeply grateful for every moment we are given to share our love and for those people who choose to share their love with us.

and, so i'm following the rules, here's a shot of me and my dreads doing the best we can to smile through the tears. it's not a flattering picture and i was hoping to post a better 3.5 year update than this but sometimes the universe has other plans for us.

thank you all for reading this and for being you. special thanks to lish for her unending support of this community and the individuals in it.