Kawaiinose (kawaiinose) wrote in get_up_dread_up,
Kawaiinose
kawaiinose
get_up_dread_up

Xposted from my journal

Right? Right.
I go around and around about cutting my hair. On one hand Ive grown quite fond of my hair, its the longest its ever been and its an instant identifier. I am not interesting only because of my hair but it helps.
These are the things that have happened since I dreaded my hair:

-I was diagnosed with MS.
-I got a job that I liked.
-I met my best friend.
-I lost 50+lbs.
-I found a confidence that Id always been lacking.
-I kept the job that I liked.
-I did very well at the job that I liked.
-I moved to Chicago.
-I received a pretty large promotion at the job that I liked.

And it just seems like thats a whole lot to have wrapped up in my hair. Not that my hair had anything to do with it, but... you know.
Dreadlocks are such a statement, and almost always that statement is not what I am about. But they're easy and feminine and those are two things Ive struggled with.
I dont know.
Ive been losing weight again, attempting to lose the last 15-20 lbs that I had left to lose when we moved here and I stopped watching what I was eating. Ive lost 8 lbs so far, and though this past week and this week coming up will prove to be the hardest (only lost .5lbs last week) I feel pretty confident about losing the remaining 13 lbs.
The problem though is how do I know that its time to cut my hair? How do I know that Ive reached a point where I wont regret it? Its been 3 1/2 years now and Ive been kind of sort of thinking about cutting it for the past year easy. Possibly two. But how to do I know when?
I want to say that Ill cut it when I reach my goal weight. I know this seems silly but its... its been a pretty long struggle and I feel like at that point I should force myself to shed everything that I may be hiding behind. I hid behind my weight for so long- this past year has been the longest Ive been at a "healthy" weight since I was 11 years old. Ive gained so much confidence from it, the small things are no longer a struggle and.. I dont know. It seems so silly when its put into words. Im not one of those people who puts much emotional significance into my hair but then again? It scares me to think about cutting it and that makes me thinking that maybe I have become one of those people.
Being 140 lbs will be mind blowing enough for me, having come from 208 lbs... that journey is almost impossible for me to fathom but being 140 lbs and not having dreadlocks? That sounds so silly but its so scary to me.
I dont think Ive ever realized how much Ive relied on my hair for support. That idea sort of scares me. Its just hair.
But the simple fact that it scares me to think about going through with it? I feel like that in itself is a pretty good indicator that its time...
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