a bad picture of my boyfriend on Christmas, but my dreads look crazy wild:
This is my good friend Jody on a roadtrip we took last year, making music on his gameboy. Unfortunately I found out yesterday that he committed suicide last week. He was an amazingly talented, brilliant musician, and was only 27. He suffered with being bipolar for a long time and talked about suicide a lot, so it wasn't a _total_ shock to everyone, but still :( He inspired me so much, he was a great songwriter, always full of energy and he really cared about his friends.
I am pretty distraught, especially since I can't be with all my friends back in California for support, nor can I afford to attend his funeral.. this is not the first time I've lost someone important while out of state and couldnt be with my family or friends.
About two weeks ago I actually felt truly suicidal for the first time in my entire life and I couldn't believe the feelings I was feeling.. it was a real eye-opener for me. I always thought I was "above that" (how naive of me).. but no one is immune from suffering it seems. I asked the universe for some inspiration a few months ago, and I got it back in spades. I need to be more specific next time I ask, I guess. Sadly also, two days after Christmas I was in downtown Portland and I hear lots of sirens, and then turn around a corner to a scene of an ambulance, firetruck, police and lots of people. I hear someone say "someone jumped." a 15-yr old boy committed suicide just then. I found out yesterday that he was autistic, but he was upset at his family and arguing before it happened. but no one knows if he understood the implications of jumping off a 10-story parking garage might be because of his autism.
Sorry for the less-than-sunny post, thanks for being an awesome community where we can share stories along with share our dreads with each other. I hope everyone got as much quality time with their loved ones as possible in the last few weeks.
I hope you all have an amazing new decade, I know I'm going into it a very different person than in 2009.